The Need for Acceptance and Inner Value: Why Do We Try to Convince Others of Our Worth?

People who truly care will always try to be present in our lives, support us, and show that we matter to them. We often feel the need to convince others of our worth, especially when, theoretically, if someone cares about us, we shouldn't have to do that. However, living in society and our personal experiences lead many to still seek external validation to feel valuable. So why do we try to convince others of our worth?

1. The Need for Acceptance

Humans are social beings, and the desire for acceptance is deeply rooted in our nature.

In prehistoric times, acceptance by the group could mean a better chance of survival. Being rejected by the tribe often equated to a threat to life. Although we no longer live in such conditions, this instinct still resides within us. The need for belonging and being accepted by others stems from deep evolutionary mechanisms that influence our psyche. In a contemporary context, acceptance from others provides emotional safety and a sense of community. Without acceptance, we can feel isolated, negatively affecting our well-being and mental health. We sometimes strive to gain recognition and acceptance, even at the cost of convincing others of our worth. We tell ourselves that if others accept us, we can appreciate ourselves more.

2. Low Self-Esteem

One of the key reasons we try to convince others of our worth is a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. When someone is unsure of their worth, they naturally seek external confirmation, hoping that others will see what they cannot see in themselves. If someone feels they are not good enough, attractive, intelligent, or worthy of love, they may attempt to convince others that they deserve attention, needing their recognition to feel better about themselves. This mechanism often stems from past life experiences.

Those who faced criticism in childhood, lacked emotional support, or experienced trauma may struggle to build stable self-esteem. Instead of grounding their worth in an inner sense of dignity, they start to build it on others' opinions. Convincing others of their worth becomes an attempt to affirm, "I am enough," even if deep down they lack that certainty.

3. Social Norms and Expectations

Society imposes many expectations on what it means to be "worthy." Social media, a culture of success, and constant pressure to achieve can lead us to feel that we must meet certain standards to be appreciated. People compare themselves to others, trying to match ideals promoted in the media, leading to frustration that they are not good enough. Therefore, we want to convince others that we meet these expectations—even if we are unsure whether they align with our true desires. Furthermore, social norms define "value" in various contexts. Sometimes we measure our worth by achievements, social status, beauty, wealth, or popularity, as society defines it. As a result, we try to conform to these expectations to gain recognition and confirmation that we are "worthy." However, excessive reliance on external standards can lead to neglecting our own inner needs and sense of self-worth.

4. Relationships and the Desire for Love

In close relationships, be it a partnership, friendship, or family ties, we want the other person to notice and appreciate us. Stronger bonds, mutual trust, and a sense of belonging provide us with security. The desire to be loved is a powerful emotional need. When we feel undervalued or ignored, we often try to convince a partner, friend, or family member of our worth, believing that if they only recognized our efforts, our relationship would improve. However, this dynamic can lead to an imbalance where one person tries to "earn" love, while the other shows little similar concern.

Inner Value vs. External Recognition

While it is natural to desire acceptance and recognition from others, it is essential to remember that our true worth comes from within. External validation can bring momentary satisfaction, but what truly provides lasting self-worth is our own self-acceptance. When we recognize ourselves as valuable, regardless of others' opinions, we cease to feel the need to convince anyone of our worth. To accept ourselves and our inner values, it is crucial to engage in self-work that helps build healthy self-esteem and authentic self-worth.

Self-Acceptance: The Key to Health and Happiness

Self-acceptance is one of the most important aspects of a healthy and happy life. It requires us to work on ourselves, understand our weaknesses, strengths, and be open to who we truly are. In a world that often places perfection on a pedestal and imposes unattainable standards, accepting oneself can seem like a daunting task. It is the foundation of true self-worth and inner peace.

By understanding and accepting our emotions, both positive and negative, we gain a better understanding of ourselves. Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, and there is no need to suppress them—as long as they do not harm ourselves or others. Everyone has the right to make mistakes and face difficult moments. By accepting our flaws and weaknesses, we remember that we do not need to be perfect.

Self-awareness and discovering our worth are vital on this journey of acceptance: Reflect on what is most important in life—what gives us a sense of purpose? Understanding our values helps determine what guides our actions and decisions. Regularly reflect on your actions, decisions, and emotions. This will allow you to better understand who you are and how you respond to various situations.

Let’s also stop comparing ourselves to others. Everyone has their path. Each person has a unique story and experiences. Comparing ourselves to others often leads to frustration because we all have different circumstances, talents, and goals.

Focus on your progress. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were in the past. Celebrate your progress, even the smallest victories. Be grateful for that. Gratitude helps focus on the positive aspects of life and builds inner peace. It allows us to appreciate who we are, what we have, and what we have experienced. Learn to be grateful for your achievements, strengths, and the effort you put into your own development.

Another key aspect of the acceptance journey is surrounding ourselves with supportive people. Close, supportive relationships that respect and appreciate you as you are can significantly enhance your self-worth. Closeness and understanding from others strengthen our sense of value. Let’s not limit this support and acceptance to our children. A sense of love, understanding, and full acceptance in a child builds immense value that no one can destroy in the future!

At the same time, let’s avoid toxic relationships. Those that undermine our self-esteem, introduce negative emotions, and make us feel undervalued and disrespected.

Accept your appearance and body. Accepting our body is one of the first steps toward self-acceptance. Regardless of how we look, our body deserves respect. It is not only a tool that allows us to navigate the world but also something that enables us to experience life fully. By working on a healthy attitude toward our appearance, we learn to see beauty in our uniqueness and reject pressures imposed by media or society. Every body is different, but every body deserves care, love, and above all, and our own respect!

Therefore, let’s take care of our health. Mental and physical health are inextricably linked. Taking care of our body and mind not only improves our well-being but also strengthens our ability to accept ourselves. Regular physical activity, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep help build our strength in both areas. Additionally, practices like meditation, mindfulness, or therapy support our ability to cope with difficult emotions and better understand ourselves. When we care for ourselves holistically, we become more open to accepting who we are.

We should also learn to forgive ourselves. We often carry the weight of past mistakes that prevent us from moving forward. However, everyone makes mistakes—they are an integral part of the human experience. It is crucial to learn to forgive ourselves and view our missteps as valuable lessons. Forgiving ourselves is not just an act of kindness but also a necessary step toward freeing ourselves from the burdens of the past. This allows us to move forward with a greater sense of inner harmony. Let’s leave behind being victims of our own mistakes and guilt. Let’s not blame others or ourselves for what has already happened. What matters is the here and now. Focus on your strengths as you pursue a future rich in self-worth. We tend to concentrate on our flaws, forgetting what we do well. Meanwhile, recognizing and developing our strengths is key to building self-worth. Our talents and skills are our unique assets that we can utilize daily. Appreciating ourselves for who we are and what we achieve—even if they are small successes—allows us to build self-confidence. Engaging in what brings us joy is crucial for our inner fulfillment. When we dedicate time to things that make us happy, we reinforce our sense of self-worth. Sometimes it’s also essential to allow ourselves to relax and take a moment to pause. Taking time for rest is just as important as pursuing our passions, allowing us to discover and engage in what brings us joy.

Setting achievable goals is another way to build self-acceptance. When we see that we achieve what we set out to do, our self-confidence and sense of effectiveness grow.

Goals that align with our values rather than others’ expectations help us act authentically and build lasting fulfillment. It is when we pursue goals consistent with our inner beliefs that we feel we live in harmony with ourselves.

Building healthy self-esteem requires self-work, self-discovery, and acceptance of our strengths and weaknesses. It is essential to surround ourselves with people who appreciate and support us while not relying solely on their opinions. A person’s worth does not depend on how they are perceived by others but on how they perceive themselves. When we accept ourselves, we heal our true selves and cease to try to convince others of our worth, opening ourselves up to authentic relationships and inner peace

Daily small steps—such as taking care of body and mind, forgiving ourselves, developing our strengths, setting realistic goals, and nurturing our passions—lead us to build lasting self-worth. It’s important to remember that we are unique and deserve to love and accept ourselves as we are. Self-acceptance is a process that requires time, patience, and effort, but it is a necessary step toward achieving a healthy and happy life.