Lies: A Struggle with the Truth

We’re not accustomed to openly declaring our problems, failures, or weaknesses because we fear judgment from others. Often, it’s easier to live in hiding, wrapped in a concealed truth that is, in fact, a lie. I believe that everything that is hidden, left unsaid, or silenced becomes a lie—a well-hidden lie within ourselves. Ultimately, this is not just a lie against others but also against ourselves. We poison ourselves with this lie day by day, letting it shape our emotions and actions. And yet, we say, “Lies have short legs.” Whether twisted or concealed, the truth will eventually come to light.

Unfortunately, humanity’s greatest fear is what others will say and how we will be judged. I used to feel the same way—standing in front of the court of public opinion, terrified! Especially when I wanted so badly to stop caring about what people thought of me. At one point, I wanted to be liked by everyone, so I said and did things that were not true to who I really was. I thought I was strong and assertive in my views and actions, but deep down, I wasn’t. I desperately wanted to be that way. I tried my best to avoid causing hurt or harm, but, in reality, I ended up hurting both others and myself.

Sometimes, we allow others to deceive us, accepting their lies because it's easier. Why cause drama, right? Everything can be survived. And indeed, it can, because it’s never so bad that it can’t get worse. So, we learn to be thankful for the small problems, expecting that anything could happen. But that’s not the point! The key is to believe in the truth, observe others’ behavior, and keep ourselves in check on the path to honesty and authenticity.

A single lie can destroy an entire reputation. If you do something wrong, make one bad choice, while previously performing a million good deeds, everyone will remember that one bad thing. On the other hand, if you're a person who hurts others but also does good things (often for selfish reasons), those you've hurt will focus on the bad events—unless they’re empathetic and forgiving. I raise my hand to that!

Every lie eventually comes to light. We all make mistakes and decisions that bring harm, either to ourselves or our loved ones. What matters most, however, is what we do with that mistake. Will we try to fix it, or will we continue to deceive ourselves, claiming victimhood? Because the rest of the world already knows, or soon will.

Many of us struggle with the temptation to lie, especially when the truth might be uncomfortable or embarrassing. The reason for this is the reward system in our brains. When we lie, our brain releases a chemical called dopamine, which is responsible for feelings of pleasure and reward. That’s why lying can feel so satisfying in the short term. However, this reward system can become addictive, leading to a cycle of dishonesty.

Understanding why lying becomes part of our behavior at different stages of life can help us understand both ourselves and others better.

Lying at Different Stages of Growing Up

Lying is a phenomenon that follows us through life, with its causes and forms evolving as we grow. From childhood to adolescence and adulthood, each stage presents different reasons and contexts for lying.

Early Childhood: Discovering Boundaries

Adults, often unknowingly, teach children to lie as they try to protect them or fulfill their own needs. How many of us remember being told that there were no fairies because the TV was broken, while our parents secretly watched the news? Or that the moon had gone to sleep, so why shouldn’t we? Or my favorite, "Don’t run, you’ll fall," when we could, in fact, choose not to? These small lies shape our perception of reality.

Over time, these innocent fibs turn into bigger, more hurtful lies that can leave lasting emotional scars. These early experiences can follow us throughout life, influencing our relationships and how we think. When we learn that lying is acceptable in certain situations from a young age, how do we find our way in a world where truth and honesty are supposed to matter?

For young children, lies are often unconscious. In preschool, children start discovering the world and learning about what’s acceptable and what’s not. Lies at this age tend to be imaginative and aimed at getting attention, like when a child makes up a story about meeting a dragon. For them, it’s part of play, not necessarily an attempt to deceive.

However, even at this early age, lying can be a response to the environment. A child who is afraid of punishment may lie to avoid consequences, saying, "I didn’t break the glass," to protect themselves from their parent’s anger. In these cases, lying is a self-protective mechanism, not an act of malice. Children learn that lying may bring momentary benefits, but as they grow, they face the consequences when the truth comes out.

Adolescence: The Quest for Acceptance

As teenagers, lying takes on new forms. We begin to use lies more consciously to gain acceptance from parents and peers. We often exaggerate our accomplishments or pretend to be someone we’re not in order to fit in.

As teenagers, we frequently lie to our parents to avoid their control over our lives.

How many of us skipped school or smoked behind the school? I personally was terrified of this, because in my time, respect for parents was based on fear.

In this stage, lying feels like a tool for building independence, but it can lead to serious consequences when the truth is revealed. And when we do tell the truth, no one believes us anymore. A huge gap of understanding exists between adults and teenagers. Adults tend to believe other adults, while young people are left alone with their truth. I personally experienced this during my teenage years.

Adulthood: Complexity and Confrontation

In adulthood, lying becomes even more complex. Adults lie for various reasons: to protect others, avoid conflict, or for personal gain. Lies in relationships, at work, or within families become more intricate, and the consequences can be significant.

Adults are often more aware of their lies and can rationalize them. They may convince themselves that lying is the "lesser evil" compared to the truth, which might hurt their loved ones. However, lies have a way of eventually coming to light, and the fallout can be painful. Loss of trust, disappointment, and relationship turmoil are some of the consequences we may face.

We all carry secrets, known only to us and the people involved in the lie. If we’re lucky, we might eventually confess those secrets in confession or therapy, where a therapist can help us confront the lie. But what happens if one person is hiding the truth, and the other has no idea or simply doesn’t remember? The situation becomes very complicated. I long for the day when anyone burdened with such a weight can finally be free of it.

In adulthood, when we should be honest and authentic, we often become deceitful, false, and artificial. It’s so hard to be ourselves; we feel ashamed, as if others are better than us. How much lighter life would be if everyone were honest in their intentions, presenting themselves in their true light, with all their traumas, problems, and past lies.

The worst situations are those with toxic people who cannot bear the truth, admit their guilt, or respect others' feelings. Sometimes, it’s incredibly difficult to say "I’m sorry" when we’ve made a mistake or unintentionally hurt someone. These moments show just how complicated it is to be authentic in relationships.

The greatest truth is that those who speak it often face resistance and rejection.

Confronting others with uncomfortable facts makes some feel threatened or awkward.

As a result, the truth can be hard to accept, and those who express it may be rejected or criticized. As one philosopher said, “The greatest enemy of people is the one who tells them the truth!”

Lying is deeply ingrained in human nature. No matter the stage of life, it often results from fear of judgment, a desire to protect ourselves or others, or a need for acceptance.

To me, lying is cowardice. I’ve experienced it both as the liar and the one being lied to, through my growing pains and into adulthood. With time, I’ve learned that no matter the intent, lying often leads to negative consequences. I have been deceived, betrayed, and abandoned, but in the end, I understood the immense value of truth. It’s important that we learn from these experiences and strive for honesty, both with others and with ourselves. Authenticity in communication can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships and a better understanding of ourselves and our needs.

#singlemommess #lies