Letting Go of the Past and the Old Self: A New Journey Toward Healing

Every journey we take in life leads us through various stages and experiences.

My path has been marked by losses, hardships, and moments of suffering that shaped me, but also hindered my growth.

The most significant step, however, was bidding farewell to the old version of myself—the one that lingered in pain, anger, and regret, seeking acceptance, love, and security in places that could never offer it. My quest continues, but now it is focused inward.

Losing my father in childhood left a deep scar. It was my first significant loss, and at just 16, I lacked the emotional tools to cope with it. As I grew older, I searched the world for what I had lost. Although I thought I found it several times, I never fully reclaimed it.

The lack of acceptance and love from those I cared for instilled in me a feeling of inadequacy. No matter how hard I tried or how many successes I achieved, self-doubt always crept in. I found myself caught in patterns that made my relationships—both with partners and loved ones—filled with dependency and a constant need for validation.

Every step I took was outward-focused, seeking approval from others instead of nurturing self-acceptance.

A pivotal moment in my life came with my marriage—a story reminiscent of a movie, a mixed Polish-Turkish relationship that led me to move to Turkey. Intercultural relationships bring their own set of challenges, and I had yet to confront my inner struggles, which I was unaware of at the time. Although I considered my marriage successful and the birth of my children brought me immense joy and purpose, the subsequent divorce was another painful chapter I had to navigate alone. After the divorce, I swept many issues under the rug, creating the current mess of a single mother.

The relationships that followed were toxic, culminating in a long-term relationship with a narcissistic partner. During those years, I lost my sense of self, pouring all my energy into a relationship that drained rather than empowered me. It shattered my spirit.

A turning point arrived last year after my daughter Melis's accident. This event forced me to confront my own helplessness, loneliness, and confusion. For the first time, I didn’t feel strong enough to hide or pretend; I embraced my vulnerabilities. The depression that followed engulfed me. It was a time of darkness, where I abandoned my passions and athletic activities, and my body rebelled, manifesting in chronic injuries and ailments.

Yet, this was also when I realized that if I didn’t take steps toward self-healing, I could lose myself forever. The very thing I feared most was losing my health, which is already at risk. Through this journey, I understood that no one could rescue me unless I learned to save myself.

During this time, I started a podcast and then this blog—a space to share my story and help other women who might be facing similar challenges. What I once perceived as burdensome became my greatest strength. Now, I can support others, demonstrating that regardless of our past, we can always find our way back to ourselves.

Saying goodbye to the past and the old self is not easy; it’s painful, lonely, and emotional, but it is absolutely necessary. This process isn’t a one-time event; I’m still on the road to recovery. Healing is a lifelong journey filled with ups and downs, daily choices to prioritize myself. It’s a testament to living for myself rather than meeting others' expectations.

I am still on this journey. My path to healing continues, but I know I am on the right track—a path of growth and self-love.

When breakthroughs occur, we often find ourselves alone. Many people cannot keep up with our transformation, our boundary-setting, and the changes within us. Some may fall away from this marathon and not finish alongside us, while others may not even start with us. At times, you might feel isolated, misunderstood, or even abandoned. There will be moments when you lack the energy and motivation to do anything—an overwhelming fatigue from your body’s long struggle to survive, necessitating a reset and immense rest. And that’s perfectly okay! Allow yourself time to reconnect with who you are.

Most of us live within patterns imposed by generations. We fear being different, change, and difficult realities because they threaten our sense of security. We tend to cling to the old because it feels safe and familiar. However, expressing our true selves often feels out of place. Yet, this doesn’t mean we should revert to old behaviors and habits. Remember why we commit to self-care, change, and prioritizing ourselves: because we no longer feel comfortable in our old state; we are not fully ourselves.

It’s not us, but rather what has happened to us that has shaped our traumatic experiences.

Saying Goodbye to the Old Self: A Change for the Better and Healing After Trauma

Letting go of the old self is a process that often accompanies healing after difficult experiences and the pursuit of a better life. Many people who have faced challenges, such as childhood trauma, divorce, or toxic relationships, reach a point where they realize that living well requires change. It’s not just about improving external conditions, but rather about a profound inner transformation—renewing oneself. This process is filled with challenges, but also with hope for a brighter tomorrow.

The Impact of Trauma

Trauma leaves marks on our psyche, body, and emotions. Those who have experienced harm often struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem, guilt, and mistrust in themselves and others. We live in survival mode, avoiding confrontation with painful memories.

However, avoidance is not the answer. Concealing pain leads to emotional exhaustion and further destruction. Once you understand that trauma does not define your future—nor does it define you—you can embark on the healing journey.

The Process of Change and Transformation

One of the hardest steps in this process is recognizing that to live better, we must let go of the old version of ourselves. This means confronting our past, processing pain, and allowing ourselves to grow.

After my divorce and then a toxic relationship, I lived in fear and guilt for years.

Only when I realized that I had to change my perception of myself and act differently did I start to rediscover my worth. I began to work intensively on my mental and physical health (especially through rest), reassessing my relationships, and learning that I deserved love and respect. Although this took a long time, I’m grateful it finally happened. Better late than never! Many individuals who have faced various traumas come to a similar conclusion: to live better, they must change how they perceive themselves and the world around them. This is no easy task, as it involves saying goodbye to old beliefs, behaviors, and identities that have been survival mechanisms for years. However, this farewell opens the door to a new, more authentic life.

Rebirth

The healing and change process can be likened to being reborn. Just as a child enters the world with a blank slate, so too do we gain a new perspective on life after healing and transformation. There are countless examples of women who, after enduring tough life experiences, fought for themselves and a better, more meaningful life.

Women who, after years of struggling with addiction of loved ones, chose to leave destructive relationships and begin anew. Women who endured domestic violence but, upon realizing their strength, began to advocate for other women, offering support and education about emotional abuse. Women who experienced sexual violence in their youth and now fight for the rights of survivors. Consider women who, after divorce, chose to change their professional lives, stepping out of the shadows of their husbands, tending to the home and children, and neglecting their ambitions. Post-divorce, they pursued career development, returned to education, gained new qualifications, and some even started their own businesses, becoming examples of strength and determination for other women seeking independence. Those who have been criticized by family for their life choices—from careers to parenting decisions. This transformation is possible because they decided to let go of their old selves—the fearful, withdrawn woman full of shame—and to be reborn as strong, independent individuals who recognize their worth.

Only when we realize that we have lived according to others' expectations rather than our own do we decide to change everything. We start working on our emotional development, stop seeking validation in others' eyes, and our new path becomes an inspiration for many women feeling constrained by societal pressure.

GOODBYE

Saying goodbye to the old self, in the context of change for the better, is an integral part of healing after trauma. It’s a challenging but incredibly rewarding process that requires courage, perseverance, and a willingness to confront the past. You can begin this journey at any time, at any age. You control your actions in life. The only barriers are your thoughts, which often aren’t even true. The examples of individuals who have undergone this renewal process show that change is possible, leading to lives filled with joy, love, and fulfillment. Rebirth symbolizes a new beginning that offers hope and strength for a better tomorrow.

#singlemommess #goodbye #newself