Breaking Free From Unhealthy Relationship: A Story of Breaking No-Contact

No-contact is often seen as a vital step in recovering from a toxic relationship, especially when dealing with a narcissistic personal disorder person. It’s a decision to reclaim your peace, your sense of self, and your emotional balance. But what happens when that period of peace is interrupted by the return of the very person you’ve worked so hard to distance yourself from? When a narcissist reappears, it can feel like an emotional rollercoaster that tests your strength and resolve.

In this post, I’ll share my journey of breaking the no-contact rule, the inner battles I faced, and what I learned from experiencing the return of a unhealthy relationship of my life.

It’s a story of self-discovery, resilience, and how to guard your boundaries when faced with the temptation of a narcissist’s return.

A Window to Freedom

Two weeks of tragedies

January was truly an exceptionally difficult month for everyone, I think. It was a tough year in January, but somehow, we survived!:)

I suspect many of us wanted to believe it would be "our" year – a year of change, rebirth, when we would finally close certain chapters of our lives. Of course, as it often happens, life had other plans for us.

The situation I want to share happened during the second week of the winter break, which was supposed to be a time of rest and reflection but turned into an emotional rollercoaster. First, there was a fire at the hotel next door, big tragedy, lots of fear, anxiety, and sadness that lingered for a long time. The second week of the break was another life test for me.

At the same time, I received a message that I honestly hadn’t expected, but the one I feared most – the person I had tried to forget, the one I had tried to free myself from due to co-dependency, returned to my life. And not only did they return, but in the most predictable way imaginable.

They NEVER give up

A person with narcissistic personality disorder doesn't give up. In fact, I was aware we will meet again and again. We share the same social circle and sports interests. So, it was no coincidence that at the same time all of us (both families) appeared in the same hotel, the place we stay in the same time for last 6 years, knowing my plans and the places I would be. Always knew how to turn my plans upside down and ruin important moments for me. But still it was a big suprise!

And so, during my birthday week, I found myself in a situation I most wanted to avoid.

My long-term ex situationship showed up. I couldn't just ignore it – as always being "the biggest person", just understanding and polite. Even though, I knew I didn’t want him in my life, in my space, I couldn't just say “go away.”

Nothing had changed. It was a chance to destroy my birthday day, my mood, my joy – everything that should be associated with celebrating my life. Trying me to reacting sharply, searching for compromises, or even trying to keep the atmosphere friendly, or that I’d get upset and look for an argument. It didn't matter whether the emotions were positive or negative. What mattered was provoking *any* emotion in me, which could fuels ego.

Healing is a beautiful help

Although at first, it seemed he would once again get my attention, I kept my composure.

I was proud of myself because what once seemed impossible – surviving contact with him without falling into his emotional manipulative games – I managed to just doing fine.

For me, this was a huge victory.

I remained kind, calm, and sensitive to some behaviors that hurt me. I wanted to maintain a distance, not fall into the old pattern, but at the same time, I couldn’t ignore my emotions. Sometimes, I simply had to express my grievances, say what I felt, because I didn’t want to suppress those difficult emotions. And although it was hard, it didn’t last long. I didn’t let those feelings hit me for long. After a while, they faded, as if drained of power.

I realized that when confronting a narcissist, my reaction doesn’t have to be anger or revenge, but rather calmness, which allows me not to fall into the traps of the past. I kept control, something that had been unattainable for me before. This was the moment when I felt I wasn’t falling back into that game.

Looking back, I understand why I stayed in that relationship for so long. I know now that I couldn’t free myself before because being in a relationship with a narcissistic person has its hooks. I tried to cut ties many times, but each time I returned. It was like getting sucked into a cage that was hard to escape from. Manipulation, control, guilt – all of these were stronger than my will, trauma, and childhood experiences. But now, I know that breaking those bonds was my most important step toward healing.

No more drama

Today, I am in a different place. It’s not easy to break such a cycle, especially when you wanted the person you’ve known for years, with whom you shared experiences, passions, and life, to be *the one*. On the other hand, I’m convinced that what I did – setting boundaries, refusing to participate in the game – is the only way to regain myself!

To get what I truly deserve: real love, respect, acceptance, and happiness.

The return of narcissists into our lives is something we must face, especially if that person was part of our life for a long time. These people don’t change. That’s an important lesson. Though, at first, it might seem like it’s possible to rebuild some form of relationship, often their intentions are not pure. They aim to regain control and power over the other person. They are masters of manipulation, able to hit our weakest points, our desires and fears, and that gives them a sense of strength. Their goal is not love, but domination.

Breaking this pattern is an enormous challenge. Cutting contact – that’s already a test of endurance. But there is no other way if we want to keep our identity, our boundaries, and our mental health. These people will try to pull us into the same games for years, drawing us into their narrative and turning us into victims. The only way to break the cycle is by continuously maintaining boundaries, no matter how much our hearts may want to give in. And believe me, I know how incredibly difficult that is. It took me years to finally get free...

So, how to handle such situations?

First of all, remember that healing, just like life, happens in circles, not straight lines. That’s why we often return to old situations, but with a new perspective and action. We also have to accept that there is no chance for "friendship" with a narcissistic person, no chance for them to change who they are. Accepting that is the most important point. I’m still kind, I participate in discussions, I ate breakfast and dinner together, but I know that what I need to focus on the most is rebuilding myself, being consistent in maintaining boundaries, not allowing manipulation, and not giving them another chance to destroy our precious moments. And above all, it's important to surround ourselves with people who understand our worth, support us on our journey, and respect our boundaries. This is the road to healing, though sometimes very difficult, but it’s the only way we can regain our full selves.

What happened after...?

After returning to the city, the contact was broken again. This was the third time of initiated disconnection. It is a test...for me. I wonder how long the silence will last now... I hope not too soon, because I know how it works – goal is to provoke an emotion in me, whether it’s longing, anger, sadness... anything, to has control. And I have to be careful not to get caught in this game again. It’s difficult, but I know I can’t allow it.

After those two weeks full of tragedies and emotional upheaval, when I tried to stay afloat, I returned home feeling drained. My body literally screamed for rest – my shoulders were tense, fatigue weighed on me, and sleepiness dragged me into bed for the whole day.

Even though I try to maintain balance, the emotions from these past days were pulling me down. After such a time, full of tension and exhaustion, everything that happened, it’s no surprise that I feel drained. That’s why, in times like this, I allow myself to indulge in whatever I feel like.

I always promise myself now – I will slowly return to myself. I won’t let myself be defeated this time. I know the road to regaining balance won’t be easy, that I’ll need time to go through it all and rebuild myself, but I know one thing: I won’t return to the same game. I know this is a test of my boundaries, but this time my boundaries are stronger, more aware.

I will take care of them and won’t let anyone destroy what I’ve managed to rebuild over the past months.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I need that support, that confidence that I will make it through without falling into the same traps. I know it won’t be easy, but this birthday week showed me how much stronger I am, stronger than I thought.

And I won’t let myself fall again. It’s a promise I’m making to myself. And to you!

#singlemommess #nocontact